…and permitting myself to receive it gracefully

WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES, I am a little 3-year-old, happy, contented and spoiled child with two red ribbons in my hair. I feel like the only one to be taken care of the whole world. As a first child, I am the centre of my mom and dad’s ultimate affection and attention. I live in a sweet, divine and beautiful world, and everyone else who enters this world of mine is filled with a sparkling delight radiating towards me, bringing in an emotion of joy and happiness.

In my kindergarten, everyone is watching me or talking about me, the boys with desire,  the girls with jealousy, and I behave as the queen of the group bathing in all that royal observation of both genders regardless of it being a negative or positive one…..This is how I discovered I love to be the centre of every attention!  The unfriendly humans around me skillfully and innocently manage to ignore through my confidence that  I am protected by mom, dad and God and nothing, absolutely nothing, can happen to me, and nobody can break me, nor take me out of my queen-like throne.


Time travel 37 years forward, I OPEN MY EYES  and find myself celebrating my 40th year on this earth in this universe of homo sapiens. This year is unique; for my anniversary, I intend to withdraw into my wizard hut away from the worried, hustling and buzzing world and shed the light of my awareness towards my inner sacred divinity. This day feels so significant and, at the same time, deeply familiar, something that I have been through previously, perhaps, and I know exactly how it feels.  Questions are dashing through my mind: What has happened to me for the past four decades, what did NOT happen, and what will happen in the next forty years? What is my intimate, genuine desire for the way of living it and building the legacy everyone talks about? What will be my next drive to the destination for the stretches ahead? All those questions are winding up into a magical concoction, crafting a “ wishful” version of myself in my consciousness.  

AM I NOT  already the person of my aspirations? I asked myself the last question, smiling and following the daily repeated mantra: ” I am in peace and love with myself, and I have created an incredible version of myself.”

CLOSING MY EYES AGAIN: My first thirties were years of studies, living in rented houses, sharing roofs and hopes with other classmates, exploring life in communal rooms of university camps and craving food from glass jars cooked by caring mothers when money was only enough to pay the rent. Memories on long awaited food stocks from my home town with handwritten notes, long brisk walks to the train station, uni campus or the student homes are keeping warm memories and a heartfelt smile on my face.

And yet, despite all that gloom and doom of that period of time, financial struggles and no food on the table, my best yearnings, dreams and visions were born and remained with me for years ahead, some of it until today. And it feels like a page of a student book story so short yet animated, vibrant and flamboyant.

OPENING MY EYES AGAIN: I am back in my wizard hut cooking today’s witchcraft called the “Future Me” for the upcoming four decades. What is the secret recipe, you may ask? 

“Sit by the light of the shimmering sunset, get a pen and a piece of paper ( your favourite one)  and wait for the sunset to pour down into your awareness the so-anticipated inspiration to draft a few lines on life teachings gained along the way. List down everything you learn – the good and the bad stuff, the villains and the heroes in your life. Remember to mention all the opportunities missed, the lessons learned from that and what great openings it has done to your butterfly cocoon.

That shall hopefully help you see the fabric of your Present Self and accelerate your work on your Future Self.”

Sitting by the setting sun, recalling all the lessons I have learned and the blessings I have earned from it, I remember my grandmother, a very clever woman I admired: Remember your past defeats to gain future victories.

Fight your Ego Battles with dignity:

I went on confrontations with big titles, compromising with my gut on what I felt was right and following the opinion of a more “senior management”  crowd. I learned with time that whatever I felt and wanted to say mattered and that it was my right to voice it out. I had often suppressed the burning need for a free expression, fighting my inner conflict of “decent girls don’t show off”.

I learned with time NOT TO COMPROMISE on what I feel deep within my core and voice it out even if another little voice inside criticized me as less qualified and experienced among older and senior minds.

I learned that I always do matter and that I am ON THIS SCENE, AT THIS TIME AND SPACE signify my presence and opinion. I learned not to belittle but to MAGNIFY and amplify MYSELF!

Live the Corporate Culture but leave it before it’s too late:

Our moms and dads taught us to study, get a degree, and earn a decent job in a big corporation with pride. Corporate culture is a great place to start a career; however, it drains the secret sauce of a man’s character after a time. The corporate environment will form a man into a unified individual with a collective culture and uniform body and mind towards achieving the company’s mission and visions. That’s not at all bad however just for the few ten or so years. Today, I invite everyone to dare to be different and regularly revise their values and mission in life. By staying agile and hungry in a corporate structure, I have always stayed attuned to my own rules and worked toward my vision. What kept me on a soundtrack was questioning myself: Where am I aligning MY DREAMS  WITH THE CORPORATE MISSION to finding common ground? Without hesitation, I waved goodbye when no synergy was left between us.

Talk to your Soul daily:

I have recently got a connection to my soul, as unreal as it may sound, and spoken intimately and devotedly after numerous sessions with energy workers and healers, bridging the deep layers between my subconscious and conscious mind.  I learned the hard way that all the answers to my questions are ultimately embedded into my core being, and there is no need to ask fortune tellers, best friends or my mom on my purposeful wonderland path. I mastered finding quiet time to hold my hands and whisper lovingly to my Soul intimately, “ I want to make the best for us on this journey, so please guide us towards happiness, joy, and fulfilment.”

Don’t settle  till you find your mission:

Perhaps this should be the first one to mention on the list however I was late in my thirties to pick the ripe fruit of my life calling.   Lucky enough to have found my mission at all in this lifetime, I  have seen myself being of help to people around the world to develop their human potential and excel in their viability through hosting a bunch of holistic wellness retreats on a sunny summer island between the mountain and the sea. A man needs his mission as a pilot and needs his route to the final destination. Without it, it’s a life without a goal similar to a bird that tries to find the south to escape the winter spirits but gets lost,  defeated and frozen before it even has flown one-fourth of its way.

Have patience – diamonds are born over billions of years.

Like a diamond is formed under immense temperature and pressure over billions of years, my life has often taught me patience and endurance when failing to achieve a goal. I crushed to realize many brave dreams but that constantly somehow guided me to another secret treasure and revealed a hidden quality in me. I was gifted to be born highly impatient, and having such loving and caring parents contributed to the blossoming of this quality of having everything I want here and now. Life taught me otherwise. The patience brings the fruits of my prayers and the agility to create the object of my longing when life doesn’t serve me what I want.

Daydream your desires, but learn to let them go

I was and still am a vivid visualization, manifestation, and mindset student, and I do that discipline daily as a golden ritual. Mistaken with the theory if I imagine something for a hundred days, I would achieve it, I was soundly disappointed when that didn’t happen for perhaps a hundred more days and rejected all law of attraction speculations with anger. I learned to let go of all of it and trust the gifts of here and now.  By allowing the Universe to do its magic while I still draw the road map of my journey, I trust the higher spirits and let them see a hundred miles ahead of me and guide me.


…or what matters at any age

I was standing with a shaking body in front of my grandfather’s grave. It was a sunny but chilled midday in November. My mom and grandma were beside me, whining. Perhaps they were weeping and singing simultaneously as it all sounded like an unreal melody while tears dropped from their sad eyes. I wanted to move but suddenly found myself frozen, and my body refused to do anything else but stand still even though the shaking was gone. It simply stood there reminded of being alive from the crisp mountain breeze. My headspace was bustling with questions: What matters in life? What is the most significant experience one must have while living? What is something one should do before the body vehicle goes deep into the ground and your soul waves by flying toward the vicinity above?

What is the meaning of life? Is life indeed a dream of our soul manifested in a living being?

None of the answers satisfied my quest for meaning and I kept still standing there. A deep, warm voice beside me got me out of my trance: “Daughter, let’s go.” My mother shook me by my hand, and we strayed away  –  three women in the shimmering midday sun who came to visit the graveyard of the body but seeking to meet the soul.

I sudden thought hit me – revisiting and honouring the dead keeps man even more alive. By realizing how short life is and what truly matters, man connects to the deep layers of the Soul. This is the most profound way to communicate with life while living. 

Through regularly meeting the Death, the purest connection with the Soul is awakened in man’s more profound quest for meaning, giving him the wisest answers.

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